Written by Brittany Clausen, MSW
Mistakes are an inevitable part of life. Whether in the workplace, personal relationships, or even our inner journeys, we all make them. However, how we respond to these mistakes can have a profound impact on our personal growth and well-being. Instead of letting shame take hold, we can learn from our mistakes, embrace curiosity, and turn those moments of misstep into powerful learning opportunities. In this blog post, we’ll talk about how to shift your mindset, remove shame, and approach mistakes with curiosity, so you can grow stronger and wiser with every lesson learned.
Why Do We Feel Shame When We Make Mistakes?
First, let’s acknowledge that feeling bad about making mistakes is totally normal. As human beings, we are wired to care about how others perceive us, especially when we’re trying to perform or succeed. When we make a mistake, it can trigger feelings of embarrassment, guilt, or shame. But here’s the important thing to remember: shame doesn’t help us grow.
Shame is an emotional reaction that makes us feel like we are inherently flawed, unworthy, or incapable (Brown, 2018). It often leads to avoidance behaviors—like hiding the mistake, feeling too embarrassed to try again, or believing we’re not good enough. However, shame can actually stunt our learning process. According to recent research, shame can activate the brain's stress response, which reduces our ability to think critically and problem-solve (Kaufman, 2019). When we let shame take over, we stop being able to view mistakes as opportunities for growth.
Shifting from Shame to Curiosity
The key to learning from your mistakes is curiosity. Curiosity is a powerful antidote to shame. It helps you step back, assess what went wrong, and ask yourself: What can I learn from this? Instead of reacting with embarrassment or frustration, curiosity opens the door to understanding.
Curiosity allows you to separate your identity from your actions. Instead of thinking, “I failed, therefore I am a failure,” curiosity helps you see that a mistake is just a single moment or action in time. It doesn’t define who you are as a person. By adopting a mindset of curiosity, you can look at your mistakes objectively and with compassion, giving yourself permission to learn, grow, and try again.
Here’s how you can embrace curiosity and use it to grow from mistakes:
Ask Open-Ended Questions: When you make a mistake, ask yourself questions like, What went wrong? What could I do differently next time? What do I need to understand better?
Look for Patterns: Sometimes, mistakes happen repeatedly because of underlying patterns. Curiosity helps you identify these patterns and break them by making intentional changes.
Be Patient with Yourself: Growing from mistakes takes time. Be patient with yourself as you explore new ways to handle challenges. Curiosity allows you to see mistakes as part of the journey, not a final destination.
Letting Go of Perfectionism
Part of the reason we feel shame when we make mistakes is because of unrealistic expectations we place on ourselves. Perfectionism—the belief that we must always do things flawlessly—can fuel feelings of inadequacy when we inevitably fall short. Research shows that perfectionism can lead to higher levels of anxiety, stress, and self-criticism (Flett & Hewitt, 2019). It’s no wonder that making a mistake can feel like a major setback!
The truth is, perfection doesn’t exist. No one is perfect, and it’s impossible to avoid mistakes entirely. However, when you let go of the need to be perfect, you give yourself permission to be human. Mistakes become less about your shortcomings and more about opportunities to learn and grow.
Embracing Mistakes as Part of the Learning Process
Instead of running from mistakes, lean into them. Embrace them as part of the learning process. Whether you’re leading a project at work, learning a new skill, or navigating personal relationships, mistakes are a natural part of growth.
In fact, research shows that individuals who view mistakes as opportunities to learn are more resilient and better at problem-solving (Dweck, 2017). When we stop fearing failure, we become more creative, adaptable, and willing to try new things. Mistakes shift from being seen as a negative experience to being recognized as valuable lessons that help us evolve.
Building a Growth Mindset
One of the best ways to shift your perspective on mistakes is to develop a growth mindset. This is the belief that your abilities and intelligence can be developed through hard work, practice, and learning from mistakes (Dweck, 2017). People with a growth mindset see challenges as opportunities and understand that mistakes are stepping stones to mastery.
Here’s how you can build a growth mindset:
Focus on the process, not just the outcome: Embrace the idea that growth happens through effort and persistence. Celebrate the learning journey, not just the final result.
Reframe setbacks: Instead of seeing a setback as a failure, reframe it as an opportunity to reflect and improve.
Encourage experimentation: Be willing to take risks and try new things, even if you might make a mistake. The key is to keep learning, not to avoid making errors.
Final Thoughts: Be Curious, Not Critical
Mistakes are part of the human experience. They don’t define us, and they don’t diminish our worth. Instead of letting shame take over, embrace curiosity and treat every mistake as an opportunity to learn and grow. Let go of perfectionism, develop a growth mindset, and allow yourself to be human. When you shift your perspective, you’ll start to see mistakes as stepping stones toward success, rather than barriers that hold you back.
Remember, you don’t have to be perfect to be successful—you just have to be curious, open to learning, and willing to grow from your experiences.
References
Brown, B. (2018). Daring greatly: How the courage to be vulnerable transforms the way we live, love, parent, and lead. Penguin.
Dweck, C. S. (2017). Mindset: The new psychology of success. Random House.
Flett, G. L., & Hewitt, P. L. (2019). Perfectionism and maladjustment: An overview of theoretical, empirical, and applied perspectives. In S. A. H. J. R. J. M. L. A. (Ed.), Perfectionism: A Relational Approach (pp. 1-26). Springer.
Kaufman, S. B. (2019). Transcend: The new science of self-actualization. TarcherPerigee.
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